empty hand

i have so much knowledge so much information so many ideas, that they are coming out my ears.

but the words to express them are jumbled in my mouth like tangled barbed wire. and childhood traumas continue to cause them to come out at all sharp and jagged and bitingly painful and leave me sounding/feeling inarticulate, unintelligible and unintelligent.

what is the use of knowledge if if it is locked in a cage and despite years of looking i can't find the key

but i can't stop trying i can only stand here mute terrified and empty handed.

please except my open empty hand

good nutrition strikes again

good nutrition strikes again

mercy seiner brown bag july 6

2 jello cups

3 16 oz protein water

4 chocolate bars

1 nameless foil packet-which when opened contained some thing indecipherable but it didn't look or smell edible to me

6 packets of cinnamon & apple oatmeal crunch

i rice-a roni

1 lb white rice

1 can of peas

i can tomato sauce

2onions

3 potato's

july 4th

the day we celebrate the fact that we stole someone elses country so that we could have 'freedom and democracy'

recently.because i was spending a lot of time being supportive. my friendship with someone was called into question with the words i didn't know you knew her that well ,i never heard you mention her.

for me the friend ship is measured by the quality of the connection not how frequently i see them or talk about them.

for me one definition of community is any group of people who are there to be whit you thru the hard times. even when they are people who never new each other before .

i have soooo much more i want to say about this but the longer i wait the less it seems i write

trying to figure out how to change that.

summer soltice

in the celtic calendar summer starts on may 1, june 21 is not the beginning of summer but mid summer.

at the mid summer it's not at all the healing summer i had hoped, imagined it would be.

but there's still the second half.



more and deeper blogs still simmering. can something simmer stilly?
i keep putting them off cuz it's hard to say the meaning full things .

a good companion

when i am alone in the dark a good companion says may i stand beside you and hold your hand while we travel thought the dark

a good companion is one that says i am willing to share the dark with with you ,

about a good companion holds your hand while you feel the edges of the darkness until you find some thing to hold on to familiar to hold onto

a good companion walks with you to the edge of the cliff and sits beside you while you dangle your leg over the edge but never wavers in their attention or loosens their grip

the good companion does not cut you with the shape edges of sunbeams by flinging them around in an effort to remove the darkness

a good companion asks are you willing to accompany me into the light?

i my not want to go but i may be willing.

or not

just gotta keep on keepen on

ok so i got discouraged and i haven't written in weeks but talking with a friend yesterday made me realize i needed to keep trying

the trouble with writing is it steals the heart and spirit from of my words. so every thing that is so alive in conversation is flat and lifeless in written words.

which is why i just have to keep doing it till it gets better, but i'm afraid by the time it gets
better anyone who stumbles across this blog will have given up cking it out.

siiiigh! oh well .i can only do the best i can do at any given time.

speaking of time if you have any free to give i'd be glad to have it. there's always something i need help with.